Saturday, April 2, 2011

Turn it All Around.

Glimpses of Light. -photo by Meghan DeJager

Oh, Sears?
We moved on. We're going to the Regional Competition next week actually (wholy crap!) to compete against 14 other schools (2 will advance) to get spots in the provincial showcase in Toronto.
Since we hosted the District festival it felt weird- just the experience. And I am an actor of repetition. I do the same warm-up every show... I do the same things before and after. Right now I convinced myself I cannot shave my legs until we know about Provincials (knock on wood). Little things like that are what make me such an actor. It's also what I love about acting.
Here's something I wrote in my journal I just found now:
Remember This: Being on stage. By yourself. Everyone's eyes are on you. You're someone else. Someone great with wonderful words coming out of your mouth. You have love and people surrounding you. The stage lights shine past your tired eyes and your insecurities so all the audience can see is something put together. Something rehearsed. They understand you. Or strive to at least. In the moment there is no doubt in what you're doing- you've become someone else entirely. Sometimes it feels like you're all alone- other times it feels like the entire world is in your head. The best you can do isn't enough- never entirely the character you had pictured to be. It can never be perfect, but it can be oh so close. You can never become 100% the character because you're still scared to lose yourself someway along the lines.
But, as the applause breaks you remember this is your life. You love doing this because for an hour all you can see is the glare of the stage lights. The world doesn't seem real until the applause breaks and there you are, standing on stage: yourself again.
Remember This: the stomach pit feeling before the performance- backstage, and then how fast it goes away. You're home.

The two ways I can pause time and feel clear. Acting and Photography. And, at least for now, I have to pick between one or the other.

The moment we won. I was in tears.


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